Alright, Okay

In my efforts to understand myself better, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and not a lot of DOing. I know, it's unfortunate, and yes, it definitely is nobody's fault but my own. But I'm not going to sit here and blame myself or anything else for my lack of productivity, nor am I going to hem and haw about what I should be doing, so instead I'm just going to try my best and do what I know I am capable of doing. 

I've used every excuse in the book, and I've realized I am an amazing liar. But the person I've been lying to the most is myself. If you go back through this blog, you'll see, just as I have, that I've had an excuse for everything that has gone the way I didn't want it to. Or I've just accepted the things I can't control and tried to move in another direction. But all of that is nil, now, it's in the past. 

Here's something new: Accountability. 

Being accountable for my own faults and successes amounts to more than just admitting it, it means actually owning those things and doing something about them. 

Even this, this little piece right here is something, but it's still just talk. Now is the time for accountability, now is the time for taking the things I've learned about myself and applying them to my life. 

Onward. 

-JSG

Future's Bright, Man: An Epilogue

I know that many of you are probably asking yourselves, "Hey, what's Jeremy been up to?" Well, I wish this was the epic, uplifting post you've all been waiting for, but unfortunately it's not. Instead, it's more of a blanket update of what I've been up to for the past few months. Hope it will suffice.

In April, I lost my job. It was a jolting experience that I don't recommend. I don't want to get into the details of what happened or why, but it happened, and it left me without a sense of purpose or plan. Quickly after this happened, though, I had the pleasure of joining a couple of friends at the Coachella rock n' roll festival in California. It was a mind-bending experience to say the least, and I got to see many of my "bucket list" bands for the first time. This includes Radiohead, At the Drive-In, Jeff Mangum (Neutral Milk Hotel), Black Keys, and more. The festival was a great opportunity to sort of relive those times in my youth where I was carefree and excited about all life had to throw my way. I imagine the experience to be much like leaving Earth for a few days to see what they do on another planet (hint: party).

As soon as I got back to reality, however, things changed. A sense of purposelessness and confusion set in, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I fled Detroit with my tail between my legs and headed back to the beach. I moved back to Wilmington in hopes that I would be able to reset and rediscover the things that would make me happy and feel fulfilled.

Luckily, I had the companionship of two of my very best friends to help me get some direction. Together, we began the process of writing a feature length screenplay in hopes of turning it into an epic and hilarious film the likes of which no one had ever seen. It taught me a lot about the process of screenwriting, and on the off hours, I was able to get a few drinks in me and who doesn't like those? Eventually, the project hit a lull and those two brilliant mates of mine had to return to their real lives, leaving me in the shadow of mine.

So what to do now? I wanted to travel. To take the opportunity of not having responsibility to go see the people in my life that meant the most to me and go places I had never been. So I started planning where and what to do with myself. I took a trip to New York City to see friends I had lost contact with, and even took a detour back to Detroit on the way home to see what was left there for me. I guess I didn't really find what I was looking for because I left in a hurry, and drove back to Wilmington to try and find a job. Any job would do, I thought.

What I realized was this was easier said than done. So I decided to keep traveling. I bought a one-way ticket to Los Angeles, the city where angels fly and dreams go to either die or be fulfilled. And a beautiful city it was. I reconnected with some other friends, and got a chance to see a place I had only read about, only to feel a sense of disappointment and ennui. Not to say that those things are universally true of Los Angeles, it was just the sense that I got when I was there.

While I've never been a faith-driven or spiritual person, I've also had some interest in the way the cosmos drives us, and so I did the closest thing I know to taking a spiritual journey. With the companionship of two of my favorite funny people, I went to Joshua Tree National Park to see what millions of years of nature has built for us. Again, I felt like I was on a different planet, but one much different than the Coachella experience. This was more humbling, strange and mystical. At one point, I got stuck on a rock with no way down, and it freaked me out just to the point where I thought I might have to live the rest of my life up there, baking in the sun like a lizard. Strangely, I was at peace with that, but ultimately used my better judgement and found a way down.

With Joshua Tree and Los Angeles behind me, I took advantage of my Left Coast status and went to San Francisco. There, I was able to see even more of my friends and enjoyed the neo-hippie, uber expensive lifestyle that only Californians can muster. I enjoyed it, but, something about it felt fleeting and overwhelming, despite the beauty and truth at every corner. I knew my vagabonding ways had to come to an end. I was running out of money and patience, and never found was I was looking for.

On the way back to Wilmington, I tried to assess what my travels had taught me, and I think the result was something quite beautiful. It might sound morbid and awful, but what I discovered was that this thing I went in search of didn't exist. I went on a journey trying to find my place in the world, but in reality, that place is wherever I am.

Almost immediately after arriving home in Wilmington, I packed my things and got back in the car. I headed back to Detroit to be with someone with whom I realized I loved very much, despite all the ups and downs we had experienced. So here I am, back in Detroit, my tail out from under me and my eyes wide open.

I have friends here as I have friends everywhere in the world, and I know that the people who are important to me will always be important to me, no matter what. There are things that people can teach you that places cannot, and there are things you can own because you choose them. But most importantly, the thing I hope I can really take away from my experiences is patience. It's a patience you have to discover about yourself, and not a patience for the world. The world is going to keep rotating, and it's not going to wait for you to figure your shit out. All you can do is find your way and keep living your life. So I guess I've learned that there's not some glowing beacon of light out there waiting to be found. Instead, it's inside me, and I've had it all along.

Please note: I plan to write more in depth about my experiences, this is just meant to serve as an update so you know I'm not crazy (enough) or dead (yet). Please look for more posts from me about my adventures on this here blog, which I am super stoked to start back. 

If You're Looking for Something, Get Rid of Everything in Your Way

Have I ever told you that I am the type of person who values experiences over tangible things? Well I am. I have some "things" in my life that are important, but in the case of a fire, I know the handful of them I'd grab on my way out the door. Don't worry, the cat is one of them.

With all that considered, I've been taking advantage of weekend free time to do away with the things in my possession that have become superfluous space-wasters. I've got a few bins and boxes in my closet of things I am "storing." Storing for what purpose, though? I went through those bins and boxes to discover mounds of photos, clothes I hadn't worn in a year but still somehow felt the need to hold on to. Documents from yesteryear, even notebooks from my senior year in high school. Even more college stuff. Financial documents from banks that may be out of business by now.

Wolf Nipple Foofaraw

I had a blast tonight with a fun group of people over at The Pinhook. Wolf Nipple Foofaraw, hosted by Megan Stein, was a conglomerate of area musicians who get together periodically to jam out with acoustic instruments. The intent is to encourage musicians of varying skill levels to play together in order to have fun and play kick ass music. It worked for me. I've been playing guitar for less than a year now, and this was the first time other than playing with Cameron on the front porch that I have played with other people. I felt I could hold my own enough to keep rhythm and play most of the chords, but whether I played well or not, the experience was a lot of fun and a good chance to hang out and play with other musicians.

Everyone was very accepting and friendly, and I have to hand it to the guys whom I followed for keeping it at a pace I could keep up with. We played some country greats, and some classic rock, including Dylan, The Band, and others. The group was about 12 strong, complete with a drummer, a mandolinist, a uker, a violinist, and a dude with a washtub bass. Yes, it was awesome.

After a while, people started to peel off and only a few of us remained. During a particularly decadent hoedown, we were joined by two gentlemen who I can only describe as "digging it." One of them broke out a harmonica and jammed with us for a while, and the other stomped and "freestyled" while we "jamboreed." He insisted on telling me to "pick that sh*t, mutha f*ck*!" and poked me and put his arm around me while I played the mandolin (rather well, considering) and I could basically taste the battery smell of malt-beverage-energy-drink on his breath.

Nonetheless, I had an awesome time jamming with Megan and friends, and it certainly inspired me in a way I haven't felt in a while.

-JSG

Blog-ust: Being Creative to be a More Creative Creative

My epic, over dramatic post yesterday made me think about my recent creative endeavors and the amount of time I spend doing them. I also started thinking about creativity in general, and though I have a project I am working on that will launch in the near future, I wanted to use my momentum to write something today, too.

I'm going to do a little experiment I'm calling Blog-ust. Yes, you're reading that pun right, and I'm sure its been used before, but for all intents and purposes, I made it up. For those of you who don't know, I make my living as a blogger. I'm a social media copywriter, to be specific, but I spend a lot of time writing blog posts for my clients. So much, in fact, that I don't often find the time to do exactly what I am doing right now: blogging for myself and for those of you who care enough about my life to read what I have to write.  (Not that those of you who DON'T read this don't care about my life, you just don't have time. I understand.)