It's funny how certain things can make you really nostalgic. For me, it is often music or smell, but sometimes something as simple as color can take me back to the past. For example, I am eating Dark Chocolate M&M's (highly recommended) and the first few were yellow and brown. The color combo is easily recognizable as that of bee clothes, which takes me back to a few years ago when I was reading a great little book of poems called Blind Huber by a dude named Nick Flynn. The collection is very nice and tight and tiny and edible, just the way I like poetry. I started thinking about where that book might be now, and I realize it is one of the dozen or so that I lost to an ex-girlfriend. I guess the idea of the book and the ex-girlfriend and the fights we hadgives me a sinking in my gut. This was right after I graduated college, and it was not an easy time for me at all. I remember that cold, clean apartment in the treetops and how close I always felt to being someone clever and fun and doing what I wanted, but never quite got there. The thing about that book is that I let my ex borrow it right before we split, and then I needed it back but I never had the balls to ask for it again. I think I bought a second copy of it, and who knows where that is now. At that time I was listening to a lot of Modest Mouse, eating a lot of Pad Thai, and doing lots and lots of crying. It is good to know that I was able to overcome the person I was then, but I guess at the time I didn't even realize how
Now, I am in a much different place with much different people, but there are always constants. The way I feel today is not much different than how I have felt in years past. Its not that I'm sad or depressed, relly, I just know how history so often repeats itself, but its hard to see until it actually is history.
My stomach hurts.
No comments:
Post a Comment