Why The World Doesn't Need Superman

or
How to Cram Overt Innuendo into Every Inch of 150 Minutes of Film



First of all, I would like to apologize to Bret Runestead, as he had to be the sole outlet for my constant nagging and bitting of this film. Sorry Bret, thanks for being a good sport and even jumping in there with me a few times. Secondly, I would like to talk about the things that I REALLY ENJOYED about SUPERMAN RETURNS. Listen up:


1. The Spiderman 3 Teaser - I can't wait, I think that film will be great.
2. The Flying - Great FX, very intense.
3. Consistency - At least this film remained true to the films that preceded it. Once I realized this, it made the movie overall more enjoyable.
4. The subtle tips of the hat - Like the part when Supes lifted the car and the photo Jimmy took was framed exactly like the cover of Action Comics. Good job there, Singer.

That being said, I would also like to report my dislikes. Ahem:

1. It didn't do anything new for the genre - and maybe you liked that. This goes along with the consistency issue I addressed above. While I'm glad they paid so much attention to staying true to the original movies, they forgot about the new audience. This was certainly not "Batman Begins," and I think part of me wanted it to be. All the characters in this film were charicatures of the actors in the first films. This Brandon Routh cat was hand picked to play Chris Reeve, not Superman. Everything he did was Reeve--from his movements to his cadence, he was directed to do everything exactly the same. The same thing can be said for the rest of the actors in this film, which is especially sad for Spacey. I think he would have been a great Lex Luthor if he wasn't too busy playing Gene Hackman.

2. The unintentional humor (I suppose this was actually a "like" as well)- The intentional humor was hackneyed at best, so much so that Posey had a hard time with it. Everything she said felt stilted and awkward. The true gems were hidden in the shitty dialogue, causing me to giggle and make bitsat inappropriate times, surely disturbing my neighbors. ("Call meeeeeeeeeee!") Here are a few of my favorites:
* The moment when the plane is pinballing Lois around since she isn't buckled in. For that matter, every time she got hurt, it was comical. Hit in the head with that steel door? Hilarious! Would she have survived it and reawoken ten minutes later? Never! Come on, even for a comic book movie, that was far fetched.
* "This looks great, I can't wait to read it!" File cabinet bit!
* Fax machine - I mean, come the eff on. A fax machine? On a boat? I mean, its possible, but please...
* "I gots eyes in the back o' my head cause o dis tattoo" guy! "Hey kid, you know chopsticks?"
* I swear Parker Posey looked at the camera in a "really?" sort of way a couple times.
* Casting James Marsden. Hilarious!
*Bret sitting next to me while Lois stares into the computer screen: "Why the World Needs Superman..." Cut to: The computer screen: Why the World Needs Superman. Bret: YES!
*There are probably more. Let me know if you remember any others.

3. The overstaurated innuendos laden across the entire film - If you missed any of them, here they are:
* Don't smoke.
* Lois had sex with Superman.
* Women are naive idiots.
* Clark still can't tell Lois the truth, even though he wants to SO BAD! (Read: If you're gay, then just tell people. It's ok, honest.)
*Greed is bad.
*Terrorism is bad.
*Black people do not exist.
* The world needs a savior, and his name is Jesus...er...Superman...er...Jesus.

4. The plot holes. I'm not even going to talk about this. It's just not worth it.

:razz: