evoke indeed, a surly salad dressing plays pinochle with a carpet tack OR Donde' esta Juan Julio?

Today and yesterday have really been trying my patience.


First, I found out that I was charged twice for an airline ticket that exceeded 250 smackers. Then, they wouldn't take my check at the store where I am trying to get a new computer. Today, I try again and my debit card won't process because of the high amount of the charge. So, I tried to go to get some bloody lunch at a chain burrito store that specializes in Texy-Mexy type shit, and I get in line behind what I can only describe as an "Aspen" family. The kids seemed normal enough, perhaps a little spoiled, what with the way they were standing in line and gawking at the cute menu names with no regard for anyone else in line. So, the mom is wearing her sunglasses inside, has a scratchy ECU-girl voice and has on stretchy pants that she probably does yoga in. Probably in her late 30's, I imagine. No big deal, peprobably drives a Lexus SUV or something and doesn't work, chews lots of gum, used to flash her tits in college. Then there's the dad. This guy would have been better off if he would just go ahead and wear a hat that says "World's Biggest Asshole." This guy is TOTALLY BETTER THAN YOU. He orders 3, count em 3, steak tacos. (Oh, and forgive me for not mentioning this earlier, but it is essential to the story: The ladies working the line are of hispanic descent, and are probably working very, very hard to get out of their current situation and give a better life to their children, and likely don't know where Aspen is, nor do they care.) So the dad, thinking he is SO CLEVER, decides that he is going to "speak the lingo." It's cute for the lady behind the counter at first when he says, "gracias" and "como esta?" but she clearly became annoyed (and rightfully so!) when he started saying things like "MAS STEAK" "Piquito mas queso por favor, arriba!" and my favorite "Donde esta Juan Julio?" Now, I am by no means bilingual, but I understood what this guy was saying, and he was basically just saying things to be a freaking jerk. (Oh and "Viva Mexico," was another favorite.) The guy was just super picky and you could tell that he was just doing it because he probably went to Mexico a few years back and had such a great time with the locals that now he feels like part of the family. Well, sorry pops, but I got news for ya. No one liked you while you were there, they just liked your money; and this lady behind the counter doesn't like you one bit. You're spending $27 bucks on funny named burritos for your kids and your blonde wife, but she isn't seeing 10% of that. No, probably 2%, if that. I would love to see this guy walk in to a freaking Chinese Buffet and try that shit. Or better yet, go into a soul food restaurant and start saying "Hey now, jive turkey, what it is?" and see what the fuck happens. Man, douchebags sure make me mad. By the way, I am going to get that computer today if I have to shoot someone.