This is how to write

Here is a posting I recently made on the DSI message boards to a girl that was having trouble writing a short story. I hope it was helpful to her and to anyone who might want ot write their very own short story.

(ahem)

DO NOT:
-tell the story. (ie, show it instead)
-start at the beginning. Whats happened isn't important, whats happening is.
-concentrate on dialogue, if you do include dialogue, make it absolutely necessary to the story. (Why is this person saying these words at this time? Why is it essential?)
-use flowery language unless it is absolutely necessary. No one cares if the walls are a melancholy chartruese.
-try and cover a long amount of time in a short amount of space. your story shouldn't be epic, especially if it is a short story. Save the saga for a novel.
-concentrate on conflict or plot. I know Cece mentioned that all fiction revolves around conflict, but if you create too much conflict, you tend to concentrate on that. Anything can be conflictual, ie getting to the bus on time, deciding what to eat for lunch. The story isn't about the conflict, its about how your character chooses to deal with the conflict. (this is also a good rule for improv, Kit!)
-use cliche. This is your story, make it such. No one has icy blue eyes.
-use generalizations or superlatives. ie "Mary Beth never got what she wanted for Christmas." "Danny had the worst day of his life." Use specifics instead.
-by any means, use "to be" verbs when you can use active verbs. Wrong: "Sarah Elizabeth was sad when she was visting her grandmother at the hospital." Right: "Sarah Elizabeth hovered beside her grandmother's hospital bed and shuddered as sadness slapped tears into her face."
-give characters accents. I personally will put a story down if I read: "Well, Ah sahpose we'd best get to tha shawvelin'."
-use comma splices, run-ons, and/or improper tense.

DO:
-find a balance between FAMILIARITY and CREATVITY. There is such a balance that will make people care about your characters as if they were real people and be intrigued by their uniqueness all at once.
-read stories by authors that you like, and then find the things that make you really like them. Then do exactly the same thing in your own words with your own characters and situations.
-use proper grammar and spelling.
-show action rather than emotion. Let the reader have the emotion. Wrong: "Sarah Elizabeth's grandma died. She was really sad." (No shit) Right: "Sarah Elizabeth dug her nails into her father's palm. He smiled gently down at her as Grandma Doris was returned to the wet earth."

The Senate

I haven't posted anything noteworthy for a few days, but in all actuality, its because I've been (get ready for this) busy! I found out today that I got yet another job with low pay and random hours, but two jobs are better than none. I'll be working at a large bookselling conglomerate theat is not Barnes and Noble. I'm looking forward to it. I think being around that much literature will be inspirational to me, especially because I'm sure I'll get some sort of discount and be able to buy some books I haven't read. My goal is to also be in management within the next 6 months to a year. Its a goal, for sure, but then again, its only if I stay that long. My larger goal is to have a better job in that time, so that I don't have to work 2 jobs at once. Honestly, a lot of my apprehension has been lifted recently, and it feels really good. I haven't gotten paid yet from the opera job, so I am still broke as crap. I'll be playing catch up for a while, but at least I'm getting a good start. Otherwise, things are going pretty well. I had another practice with my new improv team last night, and we decided on a name. It was "basically" my idea, but it was the result of an email discussion about how we often talk about current affairs and often politics. Anyway, we decided on "The Senate," which I think has a nice ring to it. The group is good, and everyone seems to be very much into it. Rehearsal last night was good, but most of it was spent laying on the floor telling our darkest secrets. Its something I have never really done with an improv troupe before, but I remember doing in drama class years and years ago. It felt good, and I think I got a chance to connect with people I don't know that well. Afterward, a few of the guys went out for pitchers, and we shot the shit around some more, which was a lot of fun. I have a feeling that the group dynamic will make us a great team, I just hope everyone bring their A game to the stage. We have two shows scheduled for April, which I think will give us a good chance to bond and work together before then. Thats it for now, folks. Cross your fingers for me and hope that I can get in to TJ's class tomorrow.

Who needs to get some action?

I do, honestly.

So It Goes...

like this.
I finally got a job. It's not exactly the job I wanted, but its a job nonetheless. It's doing ticket sales with the Lyric Opera of Chicago. In my opinion, it will be a job, maybe even an easy one; but more importantly, its something to do. I still hope to hear back from the restaurant and most likely Border's, and I hope to find a way to juggle as much employment as possible without driving myself insane. The fact is that I need to save money right now, and the only way I can do that is by having an income that surpasses my outgo. Understandably, not working for an entire month has driven me into debt, so it will be a short time before I can pull myself out of that. It also means that I will probably not be able to go to DSIF at the end of the month, but I have been thinking that would be inevitable anyway. I hope I will at least be able to continue taking class with my friends through the rest of the IO program and won't have to take a "semester" off. It would be right nice to know when the classes are going to be. So yes, my woes are for the most part over right now. Or, on their way to being over.

Sadly,
I got a text message from a dear friend of mine today that reads this:

"Chemo is awesome!"

I really didn't think he would have to do it, but it looks like he has to go through with it after all. It turns out that my friend, we'll call him "C" for the sake of anonymity, has recently found out that he has testicular cancer. So, they had to remove one of his testicles.
Sweet jesus, why?
C has been one of my best friends of all time, and I hate that I can't be around him for this shit he's going through. I hate it for him, but, as you can tell, at least he is keeping his sense of humor about it. I honestly wouldn't expect anything less from the guy. I told him to write a book about his ordeal, or at least come up with some terrific bits. I have no doubt that he is being taken care of by the best docs out there, and he for sure has a great family and super friends to support him, but...what do you do?
I guess you beat it.

Quality Reality TV

Recently, I did a survey on myspace because I was bored. I normally don't do those things because I think they are inane and trivial. I replied as accurately as possible, and yet I still managed to implicate a lot of cynicism without even realizing it. My friend Sarah replied to it with a poignant response, something to the extent of "This is what I've learned about you: You think everything is stupid, but you comply with it anyway." It was frighteningly spot on. I never really realized how much of a complacent cynic that I really am. I guess if anything, I like inane and stupid things merely because I can see the humor in them. Which is the case I think with how I view most television programs. Lately, I've been fortunate enough to watch PBS, which, in my opinion is the best station on TV. Its at least educational in many aspects, and well produced to boot. Now, I have a certain love for reality TV, because it is usually so awfully overproduced and situational that it ends up being hilarious. I don't think that this is necessarily the intent. However, I have been watching the shows "Cooking Under Fire" and "Frontier House." I think they are both great, because they seem more like experiments rather than overproduced gameshows with "challenges" and "immunity idols" or "the gauntlet." Cooking under fire puts upcoming chefs in real kitchen environments and makes them actually do things you'd have to do in a real job. With that one, I guess there is a prize and there are "challenges" and the "86 pan" for those eliminated, but it seems more cutthroat than most of these survivor type shows where the contestants vote each other off. Here, there are professional chefs who basically say, "you sucked today, you're gone. you could never make it as a NYC chef." And they couldn't. It's great. With Frontier House, there are 3 different families of varous sizes and backgrounds who have to survive in an 1880's setting. They have no amenities or modern convieniences, and they basically have to do what it akes to survive. The whole thing is shot documentary style with some historical references. The families are forced to actually do some fucking work, and they get dirty and sick and have to shit outdoors and deal with bears and feudin' neighbors. Its pretty educational historically, and its good to see peopel have to see where they come from and what people had to deal with during those times. Oh man, I need to read a book.

I am a very tired bear.

Two more interviews today. I should be a pro by now. And I have another one on Maonday. Yes, Maonday, thats what I said, mother fucker. I walked about 3 miles today killing time between interviews so I didn't have to spend money for the train. Here are some things that happened:

-A girl who was jogging tried to get past me on the sidewalk, and since I was listening to my headphones, I couldn't hear her until she was right up behind me. We did that funny little dance where we tried to get out of each other's way. I eventually gave in to the right of the sidewalk and cowered, saying, sorry, sorry, sorry.
-ate a chipotle burrito and it all fell apart and it was severely too expensive for how crappy it was. Food costs too much in general.
-talked to my mom on the phone.
-saw Adrian and Nicole's friend Gus with a pretty girl on Clark St. and tried not to ogle her while I was talking to him. She had a very nice smile.
-went to Best Buy and played a "guitar hero' game for PS2 with a fake guitar controller. I realized how wondefully silly I must have looked in my button down shirt and tie playing "Thunderkiss 65" terribly
-took a shit at Barnes & Noble. Also read a cute book called "Lies to tell little kids" or something, by the guy who wrote the bunny suicides book.
-saw a very cute girl I thought I recognized from IO, and debated whether or not to talk to her. I did not. She seemed hurried.
-realized that I was lonely, but not alone.

Interview

So, I had an interview with a company today, and I think it went preeeeeetty well. Not great, but pretty well. I seriously don't think I am the best interviewee sometimes. I made sure to dress very professionally and act excited to have the opportunity, but I find interviewers so hard to read. Especially this guy I talked to today. He seemed nice enough, sure, young-ish, jew-ish (not that there is anything wrong with that) but he seemed to have little to no interest in me as a person, only as a potential employee. Which, I'm sure is really the point of the interview, but it seems like he would want to know me as a person as much as he would as a qualified and experienced person. I think that maybe I might get the job, but then, I also think I might not. Either way, interviewing in general is good experience. Also, I have two more interviews tomorrow, one of which is with a really classy and hip restaurant. I think I have an advantage at that one, just because I speak "restaurant" very well, and I have shitloads of experience. They also sounded pretty interested in me, so I think that will play a nice role as well. Don't worry folks, as I always say, when it rains it pours, and lately things have been looking up. So... wish me luck.

People in Chicago are smelly

Not everyone, of course, is a smelly bastard-- though lately I've noticed that people have horrible hygiene in this city. Then again, I do use the public transportation system as my main means of conveyance and i'm convinced this has a lot to do with it. Yesterday, I was on the train going to my IO class, and I was simply assaulted with the overwhelming odor of B.O. that consumed the train. My problem with smells is also this, and I think it is probably just a human instinct to react this way, but it often seems that my visual stimulus is paired with my olfactory stimulus, and it is often very distracting in its convolution in my brain. For instance, I was sitting on the train one day, and the entire car smelled exactly like dog shit. (Well, shit in general, it just smelled shitty.) Anyway, I was sitting across from a very pretty girl, and I couldn't help but equate the shit smell with the pretty girl. So, I was somehow repulsed by her. But I was also very attacted to her. It didn't make any sense to draw parallels to the two, because most pretty girls I know also smell pretty. Sure, sometimes they breaf stank, but they can remedy that. Another day, I was on a train toward OHare (maybe its just the blue line that carries the stinkers) and I smelled what can only be described as stank ass pussy. You know the smell. That "I don't know what douche is" smell of rotten fish and butt crack. There was this semi attractive blonde businessy woman standing in front of me, and what looked like a junkie or brain damaged kid about my age and his grandma in the seat adjacent to me. Now, I somehow placed the uncomfortable smell with the uncomfortable couple to my left, which made me feel, well, uncomfortable. But, as the train stopped and opened its doors at the next stop, the businessy woman stepped off, and the stank pussy smelled left with her. I was like, man. I had totally judged this sweet old grandma who might have been taking her brain damaged son to the doctor as a nasty old stanker, when it was actually the supposed classy one who had been pussy farting. Shame on me. I am now going to take a shower.

Let's do this...(a prelude)

I think that the title of this blog might be a bit overdramatic, but then, allow me to explain:

a couple years ago, I was in a used book store, and I as I meandered amongst the aisles of dusty old hardbacks, I came across a red book with what I thought was the title, "A History of Peril." Upon closer inspection, I found that the letters were just faded, and the title was actually "A History of Peru." It seemed that I wanted to be something it wasn't. So, I am taking the title for myself and using it on my new BLOG.

This blog

...has no intention of taking itself (too) seriously
...will likely include pictures
...is for me, mostly, but for you, also
...will be updated at my leisure
...is open to suggestion, though not necessarily heeded closely
...is meant for pure entertainemt purposes (for any other entertainment, please visit www.meatspin.com)