fence crooked cops - Nail, peeps moths penetrates firewalls

Merry X-mas and all that shit!

A wheat be vacant - know, that such a right use of your time is having it all

First Thing's First:
Greetings From Sunny Florida!
Also: Merry X-Mas!
And! Get yourselves ready for the HoP overhaul! (more in a moment, but first, THIS!)

Now, I've been to Florida before, but not quite under these circumstances-- being that my parents now live here, so it is part of what I might have to call home from now on. I've noticed that Florida is much different than anywhere else in the US because of its misplaced population (yankees) and living standard deviation (I saw a Lamborghini, a new Bentley, a Rolls Royce, and 2 Dodge Vipers in the span of about an hour. Later, a cluster of overcrowded swamp-bordering mobile homes dripping with poverty.) Tonight, my folks and I went to Hollywood, FL--just south of Boca Raton and just north of Miami--to the Hard Rock Casino. Ho-Ly-Shit-Bat-Man... I have never been to Vegas, but I've heard stories. I can only imagine what that place must be like if this single casino is any indication. Imagine little naive me amongst thousands of people and slot machines, poker tables galore and just enough money in the bank to have a good time. Needless to say, I camped out at a cluster of machines that I felt comfortable with, some video poker style thing that had its bells and whistles, and dropped a bill over the time span of about 6 hours. I was greedy and unprepred for what I was getting into, and when I was sure I had it "figured out," it turned out that I had nothing "figured out" at all. I am in the hole about 80 bones, but wiser for it. Caveat emptor, I suppose. The experience was enriching, overall, because I think of the people watching I was able to take in when I wasn't being enveloped into video poker. It was amazing to see people sink thousands of dollars into these machines as if it were nothing. It felt as if we (myself included) were turned into lab rats in some giant computer maze. Bingo, I found, was the end and beginning of all these machines. There is really no strategy involved in any of them. No matter how you slice it. Which is why no one really had it "figured out." Everyone was just basing their winnings on "luck" which I will kindly defer to its actual nature "chance." Unfortunately, my greed got the better of me, and I left bitter and yet very satisfied with the fun I had. Overall, I give this trip a solid 85. Good fun, good company (my folks), but bad because it is addictive and you come out lighter in the pocket. The experience reminded me of going to a strip club, but with less tits and ass.

Anyway...


It's almost a new year, and it will be almost one year since I've begun maintaining this blog. In that time, I've only posted 70 entries. I know, I know. Well, fear not meine freunde, I plan to really give this thing a nice little kick in the keister and make it virtually unstoppable. I look forward to 2007, as I suspect it to be a very productive year for me in general. I have some exciting collaborative projects in the works, and even a couple that I've only just begun to think of. I want to revisit the novel, and learn a thing or two on my new computaterator.

untangle flagship - Perched on a peak in the Bavarian Alps, the gray granite castle

Dear Neighbors,
This letter should come as no surprise to you, as we have discussed on several occasions the fact that you have disturbed those residing in our house with your late night antics, exuberant ravings at inconvenient times, and consistently annoying habits at ungodly times of the day. I, too, was once a college student and very much in love with the idea of nonstop soirees and cavorting until the break of dawn without fear of responsibility or repercussion. However, this time in my life is over, and I wish to not be a part of it whatsoever-- especially when I desire nothing more than simple, gentle slumber. Last night, I was rudely awakened ripped from my slumber at the sounds of violent screaming and drunken shouting from voices both male and female. This happened not once, but several times, including once early this morning when the sun had begun to rise. I must commend myself, as I issued a great deal of restraint from rising to address the situation, but I didn't think it would be worth the trouble. However, as I noted before, this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. And even after multiple discussions, you have refused to respect the wishes of myself and my housemates. Mind you, the absence of one such housemate last evening is assuredly the reason your life continues today, trust me! I digress... So now that you have refused to be compliant with our wishes on multiple attempts of our generosity and amiability to your disrespectful selves and cohorts, we too, shall stop being satisfied with the treatment we are receiving in turn. If I am so much as slightly disturbed in my slumber at any point-- whether it be at noon or midnight-- I will not hesitate to call the police, landlord, and or other authority it might take to convince you to cease the mindless drunken disregard you have forced us to be subject to. I will give no other warning, no other mention of this, I will just go to a higher authority to take care of the problem. If this attempt is ineffective, we will resort to less humane and mature solutions. And I should further warn you, we are more vindictive and creative in our revenge than you could ever be in your blatant disregard for us as human beings. If you want a war, fair neighbors, then cross the line. If you wish to keep peace between our houses, consider this your final warning.

Sincerely,
The Canary Castle

Anyway, cows sleep lying down. -hands-off Unless a little blue frog fix it

Not Bundy.
Coming soon.

acquaintance to fall back upon but Captain Sang himself.

I found this amusing. Anyone know who this guy is?

seem transport another place. being beach sunrise.

please?
it's what I need.

I Was Meant for the Stage

(thaks decemberists, once agian for summing up my feelings. Colin Meloy is my hero.)

I was meant for the stage,
I was meant for the curtain.
I was meant to tread these boards,
Of this much i am certain.

I was meant for the crowd,
I was meant for the shouting.
I was meant to raise these hands
With quiet all about me. oh, oh.

Mother, please, be proud.
Father, be forgiven.
Even though you told me
'Son, you'll never make a living.' oh, oh.

From the floorboards to the fly,
Here I was fated to reside.
And as I take my final bow,
Was there ever any doubt?
And as the spotlights fade away,
And you're escorted through the foyer,
You will resume your callow ways,
But I was meant for the stage.

The heavens at my birth
Intended me for stardom,
Rays of light shone down on me
And all my sins were pardoned.

I was meant for applause.
I was meant for derision.
Nothing short of fate itself
Has affected my decision. oh, oh.

From the floorboards to the fly,
here i was fated to reside.
And as I take my final bow,
Was there ever any doubt?
And as the spotlights fade away,
And you're escorted through the foyer,
You will resume your callow ways,
But I was meant for the stage.

sometimes an elusive polygon meditates, but a fire hydrant alwways falls

This day thing is getting real old real fast. I need something new.

the crispy paper napkin requires assistance from a grand piano

I had real Karmatic moment today. I was going shopping for a secret santa gift for a co-worker, and as I walked down the sidewalk on my street, I saw a guy pushing his truck, his wife steering from inside. I offered a hand, and helped push the truck to the curb, but it wouldn't go too far because the bumper had been crushed into the wheel well. The guy and I tried to pull it away from the tire, but it wouldn't budge. I stood up and noticed that they had a baby seat inside the truck. I inquired if everyone was okay, and he assured me that he hadbeen driving and they were ok. They semed really happy that I had stopped and helped, and I felt really good about having done it. I wished them luck and safety, and then continued to walk to a nearby bookstore. I first came across a perfect gift of The Areas of My Expertise, by John Hodgman, a book of which I am a huge fan. I was delighted to see that the book had been marked down quite a bit, and it would make a perfect gift for the co-worker, but I wanted to see what else they had. I soon came across THIS, which I think I have seen or heard of before, but had forgotten all about. The book was missing the CD, so it was out as a gift, but I thought it would make a nice little addition to my home li-bary. The sticker price was less than what the book originally had cost, but still more than I wanted to pay ($14). I went to the counter and showed the clerk/owner/guy that the CD was missing, in hopes that he would knock off a couple of bucks from the cost. No such luck. Instead he said, "Oh, no, I guess I overlooked that. Well, it's worthless then. You can just have it." So he peeled the sticker off and handed it to me on the house. I thanked him and paid for the other book, and went on my way to find another part of the secret santa gift. Further down the street, a homeless guy asked me for change. I gave him what I had in my pocket, just in case.

take the prisoner and remove him to a safe distance

Boy, I tell you what:

-these insulated coffee mugs keep your java nice and warm for quite some time.
-I have some high-ass blood pressure.
-it's sure cold today, but it's sure sunny and nice.
-Callie will now associate the Arabic word for colloquial with tangy apple. (Study Beans?)
-College kids sure think they've got it figured out, but man, whatever.
-I am freaking TIRED.

secret eating pleasure rogue economist

I finally got it. Yeesh, its sure is hard to be a consumer sometimes.

Oh, and by the way, thank you to those of you who have chosen to pitch in to my cause. The money will be used appropriately. I feel a bit like Pip in Great Expectations. So, yes thank you thank you thank you.

evoke indeed, a surly salad dressing plays pinochle with a carpet tack OR Donde' esta Juan Julio?

Today and yesterday have really been trying my patience.


First, I found out that I was charged twice for an airline ticket that exceeded 250 smackers. Then, they wouldn't take my check at the store where I am trying to get a new computer. Today, I try again and my debit card won't process because of the high amount of the charge. So, I tried to go to get some bloody lunch at a chain burrito store that specializes in Texy-Mexy type shit, and I get in line behind what I can only describe as an "Aspen" family. The kids seemed normal enough, perhaps a little spoiled, what with the way they were standing in line and gawking at the cute menu names with no regard for anyone else in line. So, the mom is wearing her sunglasses inside, has a scratchy ECU-girl voice and has on stretchy pants that she probably does yoga in. Probably in her late 30's, I imagine. No big deal, peprobably drives a Lexus SUV or something and doesn't work, chews lots of gum, used to flash her tits in college. Then there's the dad. This guy would have been better off if he would just go ahead and wear a hat that says "World's Biggest Asshole." This guy is TOTALLY BETTER THAN YOU. He orders 3, count em 3, steak tacos. (Oh, and forgive me for not mentioning this earlier, but it is essential to the story: The ladies working the line are of hispanic descent, and are probably working very, very hard to get out of their current situation and give a better life to their children, and likely don't know where Aspen is, nor do they care.) So the dad, thinking he is SO CLEVER, decides that he is going to "speak the lingo." It's cute for the lady behind the counter at first when he says, "gracias" and "como esta?" but she clearly became annoyed (and rightfully so!) when he started saying things like "MAS STEAK" "Piquito mas queso por favor, arriba!" and my favorite "Donde esta Juan Julio?" Now, I am by no means bilingual, but I understood what this guy was saying, and he was basically just saying things to be a freaking jerk. (Oh and "Viva Mexico," was another favorite.) The guy was just super picky and you could tell that he was just doing it because he probably went to Mexico a few years back and had such a great time with the locals that now he feels like part of the family. Well, sorry pops, but I got news for ya. No one liked you while you were there, they just liked your money; and this lady behind the counter doesn't like you one bit. You're spending $27 bucks on funny named burritos for your kids and your blonde wife, but she isn't seeing 10% of that. No, probably 2%, if that. I would love to see this guy walk in to a freaking Chinese Buffet and try that shit. Or better yet, go into a soul food restaurant and start saying "Hey now, jive turkey, what it is?" and see what the fuck happens. Man, douchebags sure make me mad. By the way, I am going to get that computer today if I have to shoot someone.

sometimes the minivan of a class action suit self-flagellates

Friends, it's getting to the time of year again where it is the end of it. As a forward thinker for the most part, I embrace oncoming changes in my life and lifestyle. I hope to compose a list of goals for the new year, and to granulate those furhter and further. This blog will probably undergo some changes, and hopefully go from "fun little project" to "insanely popular blog that gets lots of hits all the time" so I am going to be thinking of ways to utilize that.

I'm really excited about the new year.

the pimp needed to dance, so conformists should never self-destruct

Where is the line between humor, darkness, absurdity, and beauty?

In what medium?

To what capacity?

hypersurrealism

What you're wondering about are the details.

How?

then

Why?

The truth is that there is no need for these details. The perception of art is the art itself. There is no justification needed.

Just believe in it.

Give Until It Stops Hurting

Contribute to My Cause.

Clarification

1. No one is pregnant. Babies are metaphors for other things.
2. There are lots of projects being worked on all at once, Iam not taking a hiatus from this blog, I am just busy.
3. The novel has taken a backseat to other projects, also.
4. I WANT to go snowboarding, but it isn't likely to happen.
5. I complain a lot, but I am really quite happy with my life.

We All Have a Chance

It's about potential.

Something Can Be Done

This video had over 40,000 views. I am only posting it because I want you to see how unfunny it is. Seriously, something needs to happen soon.



Luckily it IS. Hahahahahaha...

It's coming along nicely, I think

So I am working hard on this novel, as I really want to get it finished this month so I can start editing and revising next month. Tenatively, I have decided on the title "Rest Easy", but that may very well change if I find something more appropriate while working on it. I am certainly finding the voice of the piece, and I am exploring some different narrative techniques. This si really rewarding for me, as its the most I've written in quite some time. I am looking at about 20 or so pages currently, and I have not even really begun to tell the story. Exciting!

Tom Hanks Has 4!D5

Community Bike made a whirlwind tour of Philadelphia this weekend. We drove up Saturday morning and rolled in at about 4:30 or so. Our show was at 8, so we killed time by having a couple of drinks at a bar close to the converted church/ theater. Our show was sub-par at best, but I don't know if much of the rest of the festival was anything to write home about either. However, afterward, we certainly tied one on. I always find it fun to get wasted in a new city, with new people. After we drank til our funny little tummies were full of alcohol, we went for pizza. Jason and I waited in a line and got some of the best damn drunk pizza I've had. It was huge (bigger than Bacci's in Chicago, seriously!) and about as thick and taste equivalent of a greasy grilled cheese. We passed out, except for Jason, who sleptwalked after becoming overheated from being in the hotel's hot tub. I didn't join him because Andrea warned against Legionnaire's Disease, which isn't something I wanted to leave Philly with. We left earlyish the next day, and the trip back was certainly more frustrating and arduous than the trip up. Scott, Jaosn, and myself ate at Wendy's somewhere south of DC, and it gave me the epiphone of the trip. The most awful creation known to mankind. Yes, folks, this is the beast that did it to me. Now, I love jalepenos more than the next guy, and it had been a while since I had any sort of meat, so I said to hell with it, I'll give it a shot. Scott and Jason were sold, too. What resulted should have called for stomach pumping. I felt like I had eaten a brick, and I realized why America is such a fucked up place all at the same time. Fortunately, that awful burger might have saved my life. Because of it, I am swearing off meat for a month. If I see a need to pick it back up at the end of the month, then maybe I will, but I am not going to committ past that. This means no beef, chicken or pork, but I might have fish occasionally, because it has good vitamins in it. Now, please let it be known that I am doing this strictly for health purposes, and not for the benefit of saving animal's lives, as I don't care about them.

In other news, I didn't get much writing or reading done this weekend, but I did a lot of thinking about where I want to go with my novel. It's kind of changing personalities on me, which I think is a great thing. I had a certain voice and style to begion with, but it seems to be evolving. I also had a much more epic storyline in mind, but I think I am going to abndon that for the sake of creating richer, more developed characters and the relationships therein. Also, I think it is beginning to be more humorous and less dark and/or "shocking." Either way, it's still very exciting, and I still totally plan to finish it this month.

Also, I wanted to note that I have been feeling very nostalgic the past few days. Namely because of a certain friend networking website that enabled me to come across people from my past whom I didn't expect to ever see again, let alone be in contact with. It's not a bad thing at all, probably a very good thing, but nostalgia inducing nonetheless. Honestly, if anything, it will help out with my writing because it is allowing me to put myself in a mood and position I have not felt in a very long time. Cathartic, maybe.

Sorry about the lengthy post here, children, but Daddy has to do what Daddy has to do sometimes.

Is it still this year?

2006 feels long. I guess because I have been in 2 different places and had two very different lives since January. Some of the cold days lately have been reminding me of Chi-town, and it makes me a little homesick in a way. I have a feeling I am going to stay in Carrboro for a while, though.

Nick just joined a gym for very little a month, and he seems to like it so far. I am planning to sign up in the New Year (2007) if not before. It seems like joining a gym is a very late twenties thing to do.

I started writing my book yesterday, and it is pretty rewarding so far. I like where I am going with it emotionally and I think the characters will be fun to develop. The only thing I am worried about is being too dark or creepy. However, I think that what this project is doing is giving me an opportunity to do what Ifeel like I should be doing. Man, it would be so great to just write and write and sit in coffee shops and that would be my freaking job. That's the hope, at least, just write stories and books and blurbs and captions and clips and characters. If I could do that and teach improv and continue to perform and occasionally go on the road and do a show or three and teach a couple of workshops. Man, that would make me probably the happiest guy.

Why don't you do that? You are probably thinking. Well, you are right. Why don't I? OK, then, I will. You just wait and see, mister!

I Am the Great American Author

So I recently discovered and bought into something that I feel will be beneficial to what I need to be doing, at least it will get me on track. I have signed up for and plan to participate in the 2006 NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writer's Month. Its basically an event designed to get all the would be novelists off their lazy asses and get them writing the novel they've been putting off forever. Basically, the challenge is to write a 50,000 word novel in one month's time. 50,000 words is about 175 pages-- a mass of which I have never even begun to tackle. This amounts to about 6 full pages a day. I can handle that, I think. To prepare, I am going to begin finding interseting characters and locations I would like to see. I am hopefully going to find out what kind of genre it will be. I am going to stray from SciFi, but I can't promise it won't have SciFi elements in it. I imagine it will be rather humourous and rather dark, as is my style. Hopefully, I will be able to love whatever story I tell, no matter how trite or mundane it may be. This is a challenge just to see if I can do it, and who knows what the results will be. Personally, I am very excited to have the desire and drive to get this going, and it could very well lead to something very beautiful in the long run. You don't know until you try, write?

Community Bike

The site is live, and I suggest you freaking make it a bookmark, or better yet, your homepage!

Here you go, Chumley!

www.communitybike.com

A Type 1 Survival Curve

Please.

In the figuring out of it all, I have not made the steps I said I going to make to get what I want. There have been too many excuses and snags, but every day I really do feel older and yet farther away from who and where I want to be. I have a decent job, I have a wonderful gal, I have super friends, I am not starving, and I am for the most part healthy. However, there is so much more that I want from myself, just because I know I am capable of it. I want to find my calling, and how to utilize the things that I do well. My Level 3L class started last night, and I felt so confident and wonderful about what I was doing and telling my students. It was almost if a different part of me took over. It felt so effortless, despite my lack of preparation. One kid in there, who was inexperienced but driven, told me after the class: "You have a great way of 'yes-and-ing' people in what you say." I asked for more clarification, but he simply was praising me for making him feel comfortable and right in what he was doing. That felt amazing to me, it was basically him telling me "You teach me well." That in itself felt so powerful and satisfying that it put me in a wonderful mood. Also, my roommate told me recently that I am a great "idea" guy. Which I took to mean that I have great ideas and notions. I agree with him, but I also sense that it might be one of my biggest problems. I am wonderful with coming up with ideas and beginnings, and hell, even adding to things that are already established--manipulation, expansion, that sort of thing. But the execution and follow through are the moments that I get lost. I chose to concentrate my life in a creative field, and now is the time to deliver. There is more I can be doing, more I want to do before I can be complacent. So, forces that be, I hope that you'll grant me the sanity and patience it will take to get involved with my life and my career.

Please.

Tomorrow, Eat Something Healthy

For those of you not in my immediate vicinity of Carrboro and surrounding areas, you might be wondering where Ihave been the past few days and what has been going on with me. Well, I'll be glad to tell you. Keep in mind that this is the abridged version of my story, and I plan to write a more in depth version at some point but for now, this is what you're going to get.

Saturday night I had a bit of a stomach ache, but I dismissed it as gas as I have been having recently and I fought through it. By midnight, I was doubled over in pain. I took some pepto and gas-x and hit the sack, hoping to feel better the next day. Unfortunately, better is far from what I felt. I skipped rehearsal because of the pain and my sweet girlfriend came by to bring me soup and crackers. When I couldn't even finish the soup, I knew it was time to do something. Callie took me to the clinic, but they couldn't do anything for me because of the severity of my pain--so they sent me to the Duke ER. By the time I got there, I think Imay have been in more pain than I have ever been in. It felt as though I had been kicked in the balls several times and kneed in the stomach to boot. I explained my problems to the nurse and docs, and no one quite knew what seemed to be going on. Needless to say, I had lots of uncomfortable tests run on me, the details of which I will spare you. After a CT scan and a few more hours of waiting in anguish, the doctors finally decided to admit me to the hospital. What had been decided was that I had developed something called Diverticulitis. Basically I have bubbles on my intestines that have become inflamed and infected. Strangely, this sort of thing doesn't happen to people my age. So, because of my heredity, lucky me. What followed were 3 of the most grueling, awful, painful days of my entire life. I was prodded, poked, pressed, and pumped full of fluid. I had no rest or knowledge of how to get better. I was finally allowed to come home yesterday, but on strict restrictions. I have not eaten anything for the past 4 days, and I won't be eating anything for the next 5. I had been hoping to lose a little weight, but this is not quite what I had imagined. So, I am ecstatic to be home, but I am still going to be medicsated and in a lot of pain for quite some time. Hopefully, after I improve my diet and get in great shape, this is something I won't have happen again. It has definitely been an eye opening experience for me and will force me to make some positive lifestyle changes. I urge you to do the same, readers, and eat healthy whole foods as to not ruin your fragile intestines.

Names from my Spambox of people whom I wish were actually my friends (and what their jobs might be)

Miles Coldiron – small claims attorney
Balthasar Duryea – sculptor
Razvan Boan – wedding planner
Dunstan Krouse – best boy grip
Zarita Hagood – bric-a-brac store owner
Jesus Mason – general contractor
Ned Merritt – sales
Mai Hand – masseuse
Tacito Boll - bandit
Polly Diaz – folk musician
Darnell Sparks – bouncer
Wolfram Donegan – sous chef
Jozy Anderson – stand-up comedian
Flip Dunkin – short order cook
Fifi Villanueva – spy
Ridiculousness J. Boat - chocolatier
Rich Insane Guy – rich insane guy

You ain't machines and You ain't men

I have recently aquired from an unnamed source something that I am very excited about, and that folks, is Sun Kil Moon's Tiny Cities. For those of you in the loop, you know I am a huge Modest Mouse fan, and this is a "reimagined" collection of some of their best songs. It's very paired down and simple, but still maintains its gravity. The guy's voice is totally different than Isaac's, and there is some nice acoustic guitar and some strings that add a whole lot, too. Some of the songs are almost "folky" sounding, which I think is a really nice touch. I don't think it has officially hit stores yet, but man, you should really buy it if you know what's good for ya.

What else you jivin' on lately, turkey turkey? you are probably asking right now. Good, I'm glad you did. So, here is a quick list of what I am enjoying right now.

The Mars Volta - Amputechture: Man, this band completely amazes me. Their progression in substance and style is always really exciting, and this album just feels right for what music needs right now.

McSweeney's: Eggers and his crew never cease to amaze me. Be careful, you could spend a few hours here if you ain't careful.

Peanut Butter Hershey's Kisses: Holy shit. These things are certifiably amazing. Like little Reese's cups but better. Good flavor, great consistency.

Daniel Clowes: I still haven't seen Art School Confidential, but I feel like I need to see it real soon.

Gumshoes

Studio 60: Good writing, good acting. Like West Wing without all the stuff I don't understand.

I might update this as it changes. Wouldn't that be fun? Maybe some sort of Hot or Not list? Ok, I will think of something clever. Stay tuned!

The Myth of Being

here is a blog project I'm working on: The Myth of Being

It kept me warm

H and myself. @ Empty Bottle, Chicago 10(?)/05
I might work on this again, but I don't think I am allowed.

There are people, and then there are these people

- young couple walking down the street singing (careless)
- gender-ambiguous attractive person wearing a big ? on his/her shirt
- woman with very hairy arms
- cutesy girl from 1920's film
- boy with 35 year old's face (photo to come)
- girl that looks just like Magda
- skater girl with lip ring whose skin I imagine is very smooth
- blind homeless guy in subway tunnel (now dubbed "Stevie Hunger")


P.S. This* is how I feel lately.



*graphic

Things To Do Before I Turn 30

The CORE from 24 Live 2006.

There are a lot of things that are supposed to happen before 2010. Hell, there was a lot that was supposed to have happened before 2001, but I don't see any flying cars, do you? It's not like we are surrounded by cyborgs or anything. But 2010 marks a special year for me, personally, in that it marks my thirtieth year. My parents smartly had me in 1980, knowing how easy it would be for everyone to keep track of how old I would be turning with as little math as possible. Anyway, I have a few goals I'd like to accomplish by that year. Here are some of them:

1) Write or be writing a book.
2) Have at least one screenplay floating around out there.
3) Live by myself or with a significant other. (I love my current roommates, but I don't want any by the time I'm 30, no matter how cool they are.)
4) Be making at least 35-50K a year.
5) Live in one place for over a year.
6) Have travelled to Europe/ Asia/ Azerbijan.
7) Either have/ be working towards/ have decided not to pursue Master's Degree.
8) Own a car. Maybe even a NEW car.
9) Have been in some sort of commercial/ tv show/ film
10) Continue teaching and performing improv full-time, maybe even get paid to do it.

The way I see it, these goals aren't farfetched or unlikely, but it will take some work to get there. I should probably get started on this 3 years ago.

His Brain is Squirming Like a Toad

Figure with Meat by Francis Bacon
I've had a weird obsession with death and murder lately. I am excited to see The Black Dahlia, and not just because my girlfriend is in it, but because I generally am interested in the story behind the film. Now, I am not necessarily an evil or disturbed or in any way bad person, but I find things like serial killers and strange death phenomena to be fascinating. I think that if I wasn't so full of whimsy and general light-heartedness, I might be a goth kid. I used to be a goth kid in High School. I think I concerned Jason the other day when he eyed the pictures I was looking at on the internet on my laptop, because they were mostly crime scene photos that I had come across while researching The Black Dahlia. Sure, a lot of the photos were gross stomach turning gut wrenchingly disgusting, but I am still totally fascinated by it. I think that it is also a very personal thing, and I don't want to sound weird, but my fascination with the macabre is not something that I want to chit chat about on a date or a party. And no, I am not going to purchase any Gacy originals or carpet samples from the Tate house. No, I am not going to secretly experiment with torturing small animals or lye. I just think it is strange and eerie. The idea that these people exist is horrifying to me, and that people are completely capable of eviscerating one another is so frightening I can hardly apprehend it. But then again, maybe these serial killers and murderers are really no different than anyone else.

Me duele estomaga...

It's funny how certain things can make you really nostalgic. For me, it is often music or smell, but sometimes something as simple as color can take me back to the past. For example, I am eating Dark Chocolate M&M's (highly recommended) and the first few were yellow and brown. The color combo is easily recognizable as that of bee clothes, which takes me back to a few years ago when I was reading a great little book of poems called Blind Huber by a dude named Nick Flynn. The collection is very nice and tight and tiny and edible, just the way I like poetry. I started thinking about where that book might be now, and I realize it is one of the dozen or so that I lost to an ex-girlfriend. I guess the idea of the book and the ex-girlfriend and the fights we hadgives me a sinking in my gut. This was right after I graduated college, and it was not an easy time for me at all. I remember that cold, clean apartment in the treetops and how close I always felt to being someone clever and fun and doing what I wanted, but never quite got there. The thing about that book is that I let my ex borrow it right before we split, and then I needed it back but I never had the balls to ask for it again. I think I bought a second copy of it, and who knows where that is now. At that time I was listening to a lot of Modest Mouse, eating a lot of Pad Thai, and doing lots and lots of crying. It is good to know that I was able to overcome the person I was then, but I guess at the time I didn't even realize how sad depressed I really was.

Now, I am in a much different place with much different people, but there are always constants. The way I feel today is not much different than how I have felt in years past. Its not that I'm sad or depressed, relly, I just know how history so often repeats itself, but its hard to see until it actually is history.

My stomach hurts.

Improv group serves up 28-hour laughs - Arts

Improv group serves up 28-hour laughs - Arts

Restart Now or Restart Later?

When you consider yourself a writer, you might make the assumption that writing is certainly a part of that. I apologize, dear friends, for my lack of updates lately. The truth is that I have been sawmped by doing quite a bit of improv and work lately, and I'm afriad that my desire to write has been suffering. So, in my hopes to alleviate this, I am going to push myself to at least blog daily in order to gain the momentum I need to at least get some things written for samples to send when I want to start selling myself and what I do. I'm also taking it upon myself to research a subject and write something about it once a week. Right now is going to be all about producing substance and to just be as prolific as possible. The rest will come later. If I am going to be a writer, then I had better get to writing.

That being said...

Grace Cathedral Hill by The Decemberists

Grace Cathedral hill,
all wrapped in bones of a setting sun,
all dust and stone and moribund.
I paid twenty-five cents
to light a little white candle
for New Year's Day.
I sat and watched it burn away
then turned and weaved through slow decay.
We were both a little hungry,
so we went to get a hotdog,
down the Hyde St. Pier.
The light was slight and dissapeared.
The air, it stunk of fish and beer.
We heard a tuba & trumpet play the National Anthem.

And the world may be long for you,
but he'll never belong to you.
But on a motorbike,
when all the city lights blind your eyes tonight,
are you feeling better now?
Are you feeling better now?
Are you feeling better now?

Some way to greet the year:
your eyes all bright and brimmed with tears.
The pilgrims, pills and tourists here all sing
"Fifty-three bucks to buy a brand new halo."
Sweet on a green-eyed girl,
all fiery Irish clip and curl,
all brine and piss and vinegar.
I paid twenty-five cents to light a little white candle.

And the world maybe be long for you,
but he'll never belong to you.
But on a motorbike,
when all the city lights blind your eyes tonight,
are you feeling better now?
Are you feeling better now?
Are you feeling better now?

la la la, la la la, la la la.
ooh la la la la.

Hard to Chew pt.1

For ten or fourteen years we never realized our small mountain outpost was something
more than a niche in the nape of the Ozarks-- a fistful of families, each with a mule
named for an uncle.

When the ambit of winter came sudden and amaranthine, we forced our teeth around our lips and bit to feel the warmth of blood in our beards. Oh, but our buckram bones could not remember the days we had foregone and what we could salvage was never ample enough to fend for our brothers, our daughters our housecats, our toes or our faces.

The ground was too rocky and frozen for our spades or shovels, the air as thick as ice and just as ugly. If you want to forget the taste in your mouth, the whiskey is always warm.

But You Can't Make Her Drink

A mare and her master-- their muscles rubber and stiffening under summer sweat-- push through to the riverbed, a creekbed, rather. Because the morning haze is risen and their are feet sticking to the clay they can't saunter despite their urges, despite their excitement. Her shoulders twitch and he slaps her hind, then tugs the reign and says come this way, old girl, this way.

The continuity of life is based on...

the correlation of structure and function, apparently.

But, why does it matter?

he hits snooze twice before he dies

from the piano Helen's eyes are the only things visible in the hallway this room needs dusting this room is falling apart Helen is rapt in a faded yellow dress she can't breathe doesn't even try blue skin and black black eyes eyes that fall out of sockets screaming "this is serious, there is no cure" its a disease there is no cure no breathing only kicking wake up wake up this isn't real you have to breathe or you be that dark and no one will see your eyes from the hall.

Wake up sweating. Breathe.

this is not burning this is drowning an asp a copperhead a rattlesnake a sidewinder but where is the scorpion? it is in the tank with the pirannha rescue the scorpion rescue it and the dog will help you breathe this house was my own we used to throw the bird down over the balcony his wings were clipped but he would still fly I could draw it for you the house was beautiful the scorpion is ridged and thorns distract the viper chase the dog move move move the thing is loose on the ground why can't I find it? then again the eyes the eyes in this house too it was sacred a lizard got loose maybe I swallowed it the kitten was trapped underneath the basket was shuffling it around when I came downstairs

What is that thing?

Oh, Go Google Yourself!

After googling myself, I've found that not only is there another writer out there with my name, but also a Christian singer. Oh, and also a couple of guys who are wanted and dead. My favorite, however, is the guy pictured above-- who is a Toastmaster.
I'm starting to get really excited because 24 Live is right around the corner, and it might be one of my favorite events of all time. I've done it for the past few years and I really have an awesome time with it. If you are wondering what I am talking about, you can get all the info you might need here. Basically it is 24 hours of improv to help benefit the NC Children's Hospital. It's fun AND its altruistic! How could you not go? If you live in the Triangle area, Ihighly insist that you come out for this event, because it will be shit tons of fun. You don't have to stay up the whole 24 hours, but if you do, it will help raise even more money. I'll probably be doing more to promote this in the near future, so stay tuned!

For Whom the (School) Bell Tolls

Today is when all the kids go back to school. This means a few things:

First, work is hectic this week and I have lots to do. Yay?
Second, there is a major influx of people around the area. Good for the theater, good for exposure and the future.
Third, I want to go back to school, too. I am totally jealous.

Today I was walking into a building on campus to cover at the help desk for MBam when I heard,
"Excuse me, sir?"

Buhhhhhh. She was talking to me. I turned around and saw a blonde piglet freshman with a bookbag and bangs. She wanted to know the best way to get to some building on campus. I say I don't know and I go inside.

She called me "SIR" which normally is no big deal when I am on the phone or waiting tables or something like that, but today I think the fact that I was in my work shirt (a C-blue polo) and dark pants and was carrying a bag somehow classified me as a "SIR." After a while, I thought well, what else would she have called me? Dude? It just felt weird, I suppose, realizing how old I have gotten. Sigh.

Bustin' Makes Me Feel Good

Don't worry, nothing is going to jump out and scare you. I want to try a little blog project, so bear with me for the next little while. I am going to search for random words on YouTube, and post the videos I find the most interesting or fun or strange. Today's word is "Ghost".

"There's Only One Everything"

Returned from New York City on Sunday night. Here is a recap of everything that happened: 3, 2, 1...
-Stayed up late on Thursday and watched the Aristocrats--very funny.
-Woke up at 4AM, took a shower and went to the airport with A, K, M & L. Met up with Z, K, M, N, J, and eventually C.
-Ate Terra Blue Chips and watched tv on Jet Blue flight from RDU to JFK. I had a pleasant flying experience even though I might have been the only one who did in our group. Go me.
-Took the AirTrain into the city and then took the subway to Penn Station. Made some dude laugh with my clever train bits and realized that we were such tourists, and no one likes tourists that early in the morning.
-Met up with P, T, and E at the Hostel. Couldn't check in so we left bags there and went hunting for food.
-Ate some greasy b-fast and walked around. Spotted a nipple. C showed up at foodplace. Boys and Girls split up. Saw a woman down by the Hudson wearing a red bikini she didn't need to be wearing. Nipple count - 2.
-Looked at the statue of Liberty through binocs. MILF landing was more interesting.
-Went and drank a beer at Flight 151. Pushy waitress.
-Back to Hostel and checked in, met back up with girls. Went to try and get bracelets for DCM. No success.
-Met up with CB. Went to eat Thai food. Great, spicy Pad Thai.
-Rain. still no bracelets.
-Split up with intentions of Street Ritual in different places. Chaos trying to find everyone. Tehn met up in Union Park. Hilarious.
-Street Ritual involved shouting ridiculous suggestions in unison. Favorites: This is political, All these boys are raping me, Please don't jump, Randy Newman/ Paul Newman, Salad Dressing, Ten-Year olds are bullshit.
-Got into theater and watched Rob Riggle and Rob Huebel, then Stepfathers. Great shows - C got stuck outside. I left to go get her. She was stuck in line.
-Went back to shower. Met up with JJ. Came back and waited in line a bit and finally got in to see more shows. Most were very good.
-Left and went to go get slice o' pizza and on to see Squire. Good stuff, that. Also met up with E&D.
-Hung around for a while and got cranky.
-Saw Jokyr n Jesster. Not bad.
-Went to "Irish pub" that played booty music. Felt out of place and mean. Eventually left and went to bed.
-Sleep.
-Woke up and went for bagels with J, C, and D. Saw a homeless guy that was maybe dead.
-Good bagel.
-Met back up with some folks and went to eat Sushi at giant buffett. Ate some Kraken and awesome Unagi.
-Got full and went to go hang out with Diplomat. Hung out at Starbucks, drank pomegranate soda and saw up some chick's skirt. Ass count - 1. Talked to CC about meeting up later.
-Went to go get ready for MrDip show. Had a good show for a sold out house. Good support by all. I give this show a solid B.
-Booked ass over to watch C's show at the other theater. Caught up with CC, B, and V in line. They came with.
-C's show kicked ass also. We watched TJ Monkey's @ 7:15. A+!
-B, CC, CR and myself went to eat burgers and drink pitchers. Still lots of time to kill.
-Drank more and more. Got drunk.
-Went back to theater to get ready for TOS show. Beatbox preceded and apparently was not an A+ show. TOS show was a C- at best. There is only so much you can do to make a show work when it won't.
-Went back out to drink more. Met up with D, K, H, L, & J. Had a fun time catching up.
-Walked around the corner with CR and co. Nightcap.
-Walked back to hostel and stumbled into bed. Too buzzed to sleep. Didn't crash til 5ish. Still drunk.
-Woke up at 10ish, still very tired. C got me a bagel and it was great. I love her.
-Took a shower and went back to the UCB theater with C and A. Met R and M on the way. Starting to get pumped about the show.
-Went and watched some prov before our set. Got a little nervous b/c not many people were there. S showed up and surprised us. Good guy, him.
-Community Bike knocked it out of the park! A show, felt great about it!
-Went to eat at diner with everyone. Fun times/ grilled cheese.
-C, B, V, D, K, J and I went to Canal Street and SoHo. Had Bloody Marys at a bistro. Lots of models and pretty people in SoHo. I want an old school polaroid.
-Saw street ball walking back toward Chelsea. Megaphone commentators!
-Went back to the hostel to get our bags and meet up with everyone at Penn.
-Rode back to JFK and only got a little turned around. C left a pair of $50 shoes in the bathroom. They were marked down from $433 and were some Italian thing. She was sad. Poor thing.
-Watched House, MD on the way back. Good show.
-Finally got home about midnight on Sunday. Passed out without a problem. Great weekend, overall.

What I learned:
-You can't get away with jokes or BS in front of other improvisors.
-Don't drink to warm up for a show.
-They should call it New York Titty.
-Don't eat airport food.
-Don't leave your shoes in Penn Station.
-Bring enough money to have fun.
-Don't let Japanese kids front you in the buffet line.
-I do not have the guts to make it in NYC. That place would eat me alive.

CGI Can Suck Mother Nature's D!ck

GO ahead and top that, Disney! A TOAD and a MOUSE are BEST FRIENDS! In REAL LIFE!

Keep Foil Wrapper To Put Gum in After Use

I.

Two nights ago,
I dreamt of sticks,

their insect counterparts,
and blue mold in my tea.

No amount of yawning could shake
the felt from my tongue—
its dryness cut my gums to bits.


II.

From the way the lamp is angled,
you can tell that no one lives here.


III.

Anyone

who is anyone

knows you can’t

give up the ghost.


IV.

If time had laments,
it would wonder not
how we got here,
but for how long.


V.

Who the hell
thought up
luck?

A [Touch] Sensitive

I felt like vomiting earlier because of my hypersensitivity. Through a variety of stimuli, I became wrought with the inability to take everything in. Well, I was able to take everything in, but any given sense seemed to be very sensitive for some reason. I walked into the bathroom to rinse my face and was positively overcome with the smell of shit and cheap potpourri air-freshener. The smells were distinct and seemed separate in the air. I walked outside to get some air, and it was so hot and humid I could feel the heat on each of my skin cells. My teeth have been hurting when I eat, not because they are rotting, but because of the actual feeling of food being destroyed under them. The music on my headphones has either been too loud or too soft, and I don't even have the desire to listen to Wilco or The Decemberists. My bones are achy and my eyes, jesus, my poor eyes. I walked from the bus to the office with them closed this morning. And I have not been able to wake up lately, either. I get enough sleep for someone my age, and I have been making serious efforts to improve my lifestyle as of late, so if anything, I am healthier. So whats the problem? Why are my senses keeping me from concentrating? Ack.


Meanwhile: Has anyone read anything by Carlton Mellick III? Please let me know. It seems like just the crap that I love, but who knows?

Gary

There Oughta Be a Railroad

I've decided to begin making the necessary steps to continue my education. Yes, friends, I want to go back to school. Even though I am on what I consider the path to a good career, I also think that I could be doing more with my time. You get this one opportunity to do things and thats that. I think I might be in the midst of what may be known as a "third-life crisis." Meaning I am in my late(-ish) 20's and about a third of the way through my life expectancy. I miss aspects of my youth that I no longer have, but at the same time there feels to be a great deal missing. Supposing I screwed up my first go round in college, I have the motivation lately to do it right the next time. My problem is this: how and what do I do?
Here are a few of my options:

1)going back to an undergrad program and getting a separate degree, probably in education.
2)going to grad school for writing, and hopefully producing a manuscript.
3)doing some kind of lateral entry type thing, where I can study and work at the same time.

Any which way, I hope to be teaching and writing at some point. (Hopefully doing both!)So, this starts today, and I hope to not relent until I have figured something out. (I may go to the library today???)

In Case You Were Unaware of What Genius Looks Like

Kid Icarus and Other Things I Want Again

-Kid Icarus: I never really got past the first stage, but I think I really just loved the music in this game. The Eggplant Wizard was one of the weirdest bad guys around at the time. Not even menacing, just comical and strange.

-Boglins: I dare someone to make a cooler rubber puppet with moveable features and bad disposition. I remember seeing these at "Toys R Us" and thinking that they were the most disgusting toys. I wanted one so bad. I finally got one, and I had it for not long before I outgrew it and the dog chewed it up. Anyway, you could move his eyes and easily change his expression.

-Karate: I want to remember how to kick ass and take names like I could when I was a skinny 14 year old Shodan (Black Belt). I had 3 "Gi" (karate uniforms, basically. pronounced like "key"). One white, one blue, one black. I loved to mix and match that shit. Sure, there were a lot of better fighters out there, but I looked the best when I got beat in tournaments.

-Dinosaur Jr. - Where You Been: I loved this album and the T-shirt with this graphic on it. I loved that freaking shirt. I also loved the song "Out There" (I know your name I know the people out there feel the same I know you're gone I hope you got some friends to come along I know you're out there I know you're gone You can't say that's fair Can't you be wrong? I feel ok Sure, I know that's not what people say Maybe they're wrong Maybe you weren't on my side all along I know you're out there I know you're gone You can't say that's fair Can't you be wrong? I know you're out there You're still a case It's still the place Weren't you invited? It's what you can't spare Whatever's left, just hide the rest And bring it right in I know it's sick I know you think a game is just a trick Maybe I've changed Just tell me was this all in vain? [Solo] I know you're out there I know that space is not a race Weren't you invited? It's what you can't spare Whatever's left, just hide the rest And bring it right in Maintained inside I've lost my range Feel the strain Weren't you invited? Just never try It's still the place You're still the case Now bring it right in )

-Lazer Tag: Come on. Do I need to say anything else? No. I don't.

Let's take a minute to talk about kitten smashing

****Warning, this post contains gross stuff(i.e. kitten smashing). Do not view the link unless you are facinated by gross stuff!*****

This is an example of why I love/hate the internet. But seriously, what the hell is wrong with Asia anyway? Is it our fault? Did America do this to you? I mean, sure, I'm not one to tell you your customs are wrong because they are different. I try not to judge. I'M just saying that maybe you shouldn't stomp kittens to death when there are better things to do with your time. Who can feel good about themselves after smashing a kitten? A puppy is totally understandable, and ferrets are fine, too. But kittens? Bad form, Asia, bad form...

Why The World Doesn't Need Superman

or
How to Cram Overt Innuendo into Every Inch of 150 Minutes of Film



First of all, I would like to apologize to Bret Runestead, as he had to be the sole outlet for my constant nagging and bitting of this film. Sorry Bret, thanks for being a good sport and even jumping in there with me a few times. Secondly, I would like to talk about the things that I REALLY ENJOYED about SUPERMAN RETURNS. Listen up:


1. The Spiderman 3 Teaser - I can't wait, I think that film will be great.
2. The Flying - Great FX, very intense.
3. Consistency - At least this film remained true to the films that preceded it. Once I realized this, it made the movie overall more enjoyable.
4. The subtle tips of the hat - Like the part when Supes lifted the car and the photo Jimmy took was framed exactly like the cover of Action Comics. Good job there, Singer.

That being said, I would also like to report my dislikes. Ahem:

1. It didn't do anything new for the genre - and maybe you liked that. This goes along with the consistency issue I addressed above. While I'm glad they paid so much attention to staying true to the original movies, they forgot about the new audience. This was certainly not "Batman Begins," and I think part of me wanted it to be. All the characters in this film were charicatures of the actors in the first films. This Brandon Routh cat was hand picked to play Chris Reeve, not Superman. Everything he did was Reeve--from his movements to his cadence, he was directed to do everything exactly the same. The same thing can be said for the rest of the actors in this film, which is especially sad for Spacey. I think he would have been a great Lex Luthor if he wasn't too busy playing Gene Hackman.

2. The unintentional humor (I suppose this was actually a "like" as well)- The intentional humor was hackneyed at best, so much so that Posey had a hard time with it. Everything she said felt stilted and awkward. The true gems were hidden in the shitty dialogue, causing me to giggle and make bitsat inappropriate times, surely disturbing my neighbors. ("Call meeeeeeeeeee!") Here are a few of my favorites:
* The moment when the plane is pinballing Lois around since she isn't buckled in. For that matter, every time she got hurt, it was comical. Hit in the head with that steel door? Hilarious! Would she have survived it and reawoken ten minutes later? Never! Come on, even for a comic book movie, that was far fetched.
* "This looks great, I can't wait to read it!" File cabinet bit!
* Fax machine - I mean, come the eff on. A fax machine? On a boat? I mean, its possible, but please...
* "I gots eyes in the back o' my head cause o dis tattoo" guy! "Hey kid, you know chopsticks?"
* I swear Parker Posey looked at the camera in a "really?" sort of way a couple times.
* Casting James Marsden. Hilarious!
*Bret sitting next to me while Lois stares into the computer screen: "Why the World Needs Superman..." Cut to: The computer screen: Why the World Needs Superman. Bret: YES!
*There are probably more. Let me know if you remember any others.

3. The overstaurated innuendos laden across the entire film - If you missed any of them, here they are:
* Don't smoke.
* Lois had sex with Superman.
* Women are naive idiots.
* Clark still can't tell Lois the truth, even though he wants to SO BAD! (Read: If you're gay, then just tell people. It's ok, honest.)
*Greed is bad.
*Terrorism is bad.
*Black people do not exist.
* The world needs a savior, and his name is Jesus...er...Superman...er...Jesus.

4. The plot holes. I'm not even going to talk about this. It's just not worth it.

:razz:

Focus!

I've discovered lately that I am having a hard time focusing at work. Now, maybe its that I am somehow daunted by my lack of experience in my field, or maybe its that I'm literally bored to tears. I realize that with ennui comes distraction, but it becomes seriously difficult for me to concentrate on one thing at a time. So, how do I remedy this? I had thought about perhaps going back on some medication, but that seems like such a waste. I've thought about Wellbutrin, as it not only serves as a mood enhancer, but something to keep you focused as well. I need to do more research on the stuff, as any drug with multiple purposes must have some unwelcome side effects.

In all honesty, I need to just crack down and stop wasting time. It's really as simple as that. I just hope that I am not overworking myself right now. I do stuff everyday. I love that. I love having purpose. It keeps me from being lazy. There would be days and days in a row while I was in Chicago where I would not even change clothes from the night before. It seemed that time passed so slowly back then. I say back then, but it was really just a few months ago (January and part of February). I realize that I've been back in NC for over 2 full months now, and it feels like I just got here. Luckily, the good thing about getting thrown in the pool is that I love swimming (thats a metaphor, but I do enjoy swimming. I digress). So I have not yet felt overwhelmed with everything I am occupying my time with. Work is going ok, but I honestly don't see myself doing this for over a year. I just don't have the patience for this sort of thing. It feels good to get the experience, but my brain is too lateral for something that takes up so many days without reprieve.

I have chosen to start writing again, however, which I am totally happy about. I figure if I can write a page or two a day, then I should have a draft of a novel done within the year. After that, I'll edit the heck out of it, and probably burn it. I hope not, though.

I am supposed to go running with Dave Siegel tonight. I look forward to it. I am already starting to eat better, and getting healthy is a priority for me right now. I guess I want to continue to set goals for myself, and at the rate I am going, I should be in shape in the next few months. Give me a year and you won't recognize me. I'm thinking of taking a Karate or Capoeria class, though I really wish someone offered Kung Fu around here.

Sorry about this long post, but I didn't really have anything I wanted to do more right now than get this stuff off my chest. I suppose thats why people do this in the first place, right?

Word.

Haunted: Camel Cricket

This sucker woke me up the other night in the middle of a dream. The thing is, I think he was crawling around on me, and it appeared as though he was about a foot long. I freaked out and started trying to brush him off my chest, but I was so discombobulated that I wasn't sure if I was dreaming it or if it was real. I found the bug the next day in my laundry basket so I can only assume it was a real thing. Funny how dreams can blow things out of proportion like that. However, last night we discovered a huge brown spider crawling around the canary castle, which leads me to believe it might have been a spider crawling on me the other night. Either way, it was creepy. My dreams have always plagued me, but it takes something weird like this to make you realize how much reality can be distorted just with your unabated unconscious mind.

We are going to DC this weekend, and it will be a first for me. It will be nice to go just for a couple days, even though I doubt I'll get to see much of anything good. However, we will be playing some ComedySportz stuff, including a "Blue" Show on Saturday night. Callie and Zach and his lady, Kate Mellilo are going, so it should be a fun wekend long double date. I will let everyone know how it goes when I get back. Watch out for spiders and crickets.

Blind making fun of the Blind

-The president ribbed a reporter for wearing sunglasses during a press conference. He asked what was "with the shades" then noted that there was "no sun out," to those watching from home. The reporter responded with, "I guess its a matter of perspective." The crowd laughed and the president did, too. Then he said, "touche." It turns out that the reporter was legally blind. A matter of perspective indeed.
- Bill Gates left Microsoft today. Did he retire?
-The canes lost last night, but the shot they lost by was gorgeous.
-Callie and I are going to go outside.
-Sideways the Cat is a tornado in siamese fur.
-We made some awesome chicken, rice, and artichoke tonight. It was sooo fuckin' good, I died.


X
X P

Armitage

I.
The pigeons dropped
and shuffled down
to the street below,
brushing glass
from their wings.

I thought I might rust
out in the weather—
in the rain of splinters,
with winter my cast,
and smoke my umbrella.

And under the city,
my eyes mistook
smiles for teeth.

We measured distance in days.

I wanted to write you
letters stapled to polaroids--
something for your fireplace.

Hello. I live in North Carolina

Happy Birthday Corey Brown. Ilike working with you and doing bits in the courtyard. Wackytown is going to be shitloads of fun.

i'll be your blanket, you'll be my bed

I slept in

too late

every morning

I'll never

know why.

I believe you can get me through the night

This is Baxter. He tried to bite my nose off. He is looking sleepy.

So, I'm studying with Dreamweaver, and I'm dedicating all my free time to learning it tomorrow and the some of the next day. So I am going to try and work in some HTML to this blog. Sorry for not posting anything in a while, loyal readers, I have been too too busy. I have some news that I need to spill, but I will save it for a later date. I will keep things more updated in the near future. No more slack!

This is how to write

Here is a posting I recently made on the DSI message boards to a girl that was having trouble writing a short story. I hope it was helpful to her and to anyone who might want ot write their very own short story.

(ahem)

DO NOT:
-tell the story. (ie, show it instead)
-start at the beginning. Whats happened isn't important, whats happening is.
-concentrate on dialogue, if you do include dialogue, make it absolutely necessary to the story. (Why is this person saying these words at this time? Why is it essential?)
-use flowery language unless it is absolutely necessary. No one cares if the walls are a melancholy chartruese.
-try and cover a long amount of time in a short amount of space. your story shouldn't be epic, especially if it is a short story. Save the saga for a novel.
-concentrate on conflict or plot. I know Cece mentioned that all fiction revolves around conflict, but if you create too much conflict, you tend to concentrate on that. Anything can be conflictual, ie getting to the bus on time, deciding what to eat for lunch. The story isn't about the conflict, its about how your character chooses to deal with the conflict. (this is also a good rule for improv, Kit!)
-use cliche. This is your story, make it such. No one has icy blue eyes.
-use generalizations or superlatives. ie "Mary Beth never got what she wanted for Christmas." "Danny had the worst day of his life." Use specifics instead.
-by any means, use "to be" verbs when you can use active verbs. Wrong: "Sarah Elizabeth was sad when she was visting her grandmother at the hospital." Right: "Sarah Elizabeth hovered beside her grandmother's hospital bed and shuddered as sadness slapped tears into her face."
-give characters accents. I personally will put a story down if I read: "Well, Ah sahpose we'd best get to tha shawvelin'."
-use comma splices, run-ons, and/or improper tense.

DO:
-find a balance between FAMILIARITY and CREATVITY. There is such a balance that will make people care about your characters as if they were real people and be intrigued by their uniqueness all at once.
-read stories by authors that you like, and then find the things that make you really like them. Then do exactly the same thing in your own words with your own characters and situations.
-use proper grammar and spelling.
-show action rather than emotion. Let the reader have the emotion. Wrong: "Sarah Elizabeth's grandma died. She was really sad." (No shit) Right: "Sarah Elizabeth dug her nails into her father's palm. He smiled gently down at her as Grandma Doris was returned to the wet earth."

The Senate

I haven't posted anything noteworthy for a few days, but in all actuality, its because I've been (get ready for this) busy! I found out today that I got yet another job with low pay and random hours, but two jobs are better than none. I'll be working at a large bookselling conglomerate theat is not Barnes and Noble. I'm looking forward to it. I think being around that much literature will be inspirational to me, especially because I'm sure I'll get some sort of discount and be able to buy some books I haven't read. My goal is to also be in management within the next 6 months to a year. Its a goal, for sure, but then again, its only if I stay that long. My larger goal is to have a better job in that time, so that I don't have to work 2 jobs at once. Honestly, a lot of my apprehension has been lifted recently, and it feels really good. I haven't gotten paid yet from the opera job, so I am still broke as crap. I'll be playing catch up for a while, but at least I'm getting a good start. Otherwise, things are going pretty well. I had another practice with my new improv team last night, and we decided on a name. It was "basically" my idea, but it was the result of an email discussion about how we often talk about current affairs and often politics. Anyway, we decided on "The Senate," which I think has a nice ring to it. The group is good, and everyone seems to be very much into it. Rehearsal last night was good, but most of it was spent laying on the floor telling our darkest secrets. Its something I have never really done with an improv troupe before, but I remember doing in drama class years and years ago. It felt good, and I think I got a chance to connect with people I don't know that well. Afterward, a few of the guys went out for pitchers, and we shot the shit around some more, which was a lot of fun. I have a feeling that the group dynamic will make us a great team, I just hope everyone bring their A game to the stage. We have two shows scheduled for April, which I think will give us a good chance to bond and work together before then. Thats it for now, folks. Cross your fingers for me and hope that I can get in to TJ's class tomorrow.

Who needs to get some action?

I do, honestly.

So It Goes...

like this.
I finally got a job. It's not exactly the job I wanted, but its a job nonetheless. It's doing ticket sales with the Lyric Opera of Chicago. In my opinion, it will be a job, maybe even an easy one; but more importantly, its something to do. I still hope to hear back from the restaurant and most likely Border's, and I hope to find a way to juggle as much employment as possible without driving myself insane. The fact is that I need to save money right now, and the only way I can do that is by having an income that surpasses my outgo. Understandably, not working for an entire month has driven me into debt, so it will be a short time before I can pull myself out of that. It also means that I will probably not be able to go to DSIF at the end of the month, but I have been thinking that would be inevitable anyway. I hope I will at least be able to continue taking class with my friends through the rest of the IO program and won't have to take a "semester" off. It would be right nice to know when the classes are going to be. So yes, my woes are for the most part over right now. Or, on their way to being over.

Sadly,
I got a text message from a dear friend of mine today that reads this:

"Chemo is awesome!"

I really didn't think he would have to do it, but it looks like he has to go through with it after all. It turns out that my friend, we'll call him "C" for the sake of anonymity, has recently found out that he has testicular cancer. So, they had to remove one of his testicles.
Sweet jesus, why?
C has been one of my best friends of all time, and I hate that I can't be around him for this shit he's going through. I hate it for him, but, as you can tell, at least he is keeping his sense of humor about it. I honestly wouldn't expect anything less from the guy. I told him to write a book about his ordeal, or at least come up with some terrific bits. I have no doubt that he is being taken care of by the best docs out there, and he for sure has a great family and super friends to support him, but...what do you do?
I guess you beat it.

Quality Reality TV

Recently, I did a survey on myspace because I was bored. I normally don't do those things because I think they are inane and trivial. I replied as accurately as possible, and yet I still managed to implicate a lot of cynicism without even realizing it. My friend Sarah replied to it with a poignant response, something to the extent of "This is what I've learned about you: You think everything is stupid, but you comply with it anyway." It was frighteningly spot on. I never really realized how much of a complacent cynic that I really am. I guess if anything, I like inane and stupid things merely because I can see the humor in them. Which is the case I think with how I view most television programs. Lately, I've been fortunate enough to watch PBS, which, in my opinion is the best station on TV. Its at least educational in many aspects, and well produced to boot. Now, I have a certain love for reality TV, because it is usually so awfully overproduced and situational that it ends up being hilarious. I don't think that this is necessarily the intent. However, I have been watching the shows "Cooking Under Fire" and "Frontier House." I think they are both great, because they seem more like experiments rather than overproduced gameshows with "challenges" and "immunity idols" or "the gauntlet." Cooking under fire puts upcoming chefs in real kitchen environments and makes them actually do things you'd have to do in a real job. With that one, I guess there is a prize and there are "challenges" and the "86 pan" for those eliminated, but it seems more cutthroat than most of these survivor type shows where the contestants vote each other off. Here, there are professional chefs who basically say, "you sucked today, you're gone. you could never make it as a NYC chef." And they couldn't. It's great. With Frontier House, there are 3 different families of varous sizes and backgrounds who have to survive in an 1880's setting. They have no amenities or modern convieniences, and they basically have to do what it akes to survive. The whole thing is shot documentary style with some historical references. The families are forced to actually do some fucking work, and they get dirty and sick and have to shit outdoors and deal with bears and feudin' neighbors. Its pretty educational historically, and its good to see peopel have to see where they come from and what people had to deal with during those times. Oh man, I need to read a book.

I am a very tired bear.

Two more interviews today. I should be a pro by now. And I have another one on Maonday. Yes, Maonday, thats what I said, mother fucker. I walked about 3 miles today killing time between interviews so I didn't have to spend money for the train. Here are some things that happened:

-A girl who was jogging tried to get past me on the sidewalk, and since I was listening to my headphones, I couldn't hear her until she was right up behind me. We did that funny little dance where we tried to get out of each other's way. I eventually gave in to the right of the sidewalk and cowered, saying, sorry, sorry, sorry.
-ate a chipotle burrito and it all fell apart and it was severely too expensive for how crappy it was. Food costs too much in general.
-talked to my mom on the phone.
-saw Adrian and Nicole's friend Gus with a pretty girl on Clark St. and tried not to ogle her while I was talking to him. She had a very nice smile.
-went to Best Buy and played a "guitar hero' game for PS2 with a fake guitar controller. I realized how wondefully silly I must have looked in my button down shirt and tie playing "Thunderkiss 65" terribly
-took a shit at Barnes & Noble. Also read a cute book called "Lies to tell little kids" or something, by the guy who wrote the bunny suicides book.
-saw a very cute girl I thought I recognized from IO, and debated whether or not to talk to her. I did not. She seemed hurried.
-realized that I was lonely, but not alone.

Interview

So, I had an interview with a company today, and I think it went preeeeeetty well. Not great, but pretty well. I seriously don't think I am the best interviewee sometimes. I made sure to dress very professionally and act excited to have the opportunity, but I find interviewers so hard to read. Especially this guy I talked to today. He seemed nice enough, sure, young-ish, jew-ish (not that there is anything wrong with that) but he seemed to have little to no interest in me as a person, only as a potential employee. Which, I'm sure is really the point of the interview, but it seems like he would want to know me as a person as much as he would as a qualified and experienced person. I think that maybe I might get the job, but then, I also think I might not. Either way, interviewing in general is good experience. Also, I have two more interviews tomorrow, one of which is with a really classy and hip restaurant. I think I have an advantage at that one, just because I speak "restaurant" very well, and I have shitloads of experience. They also sounded pretty interested in me, so I think that will play a nice role as well. Don't worry folks, as I always say, when it rains it pours, and lately things have been looking up. So... wish me luck.

People in Chicago are smelly

Not everyone, of course, is a smelly bastard-- though lately I've noticed that people have horrible hygiene in this city. Then again, I do use the public transportation system as my main means of conveyance and i'm convinced this has a lot to do with it. Yesterday, I was on the train going to my IO class, and I was simply assaulted with the overwhelming odor of B.O. that consumed the train. My problem with smells is also this, and I think it is probably just a human instinct to react this way, but it often seems that my visual stimulus is paired with my olfactory stimulus, and it is often very distracting in its convolution in my brain. For instance, I was sitting on the train one day, and the entire car smelled exactly like dog shit. (Well, shit in general, it just smelled shitty.) Anyway, I was sitting across from a very pretty girl, and I couldn't help but equate the shit smell with the pretty girl. So, I was somehow repulsed by her. But I was also very attacted to her. It didn't make any sense to draw parallels to the two, because most pretty girls I know also smell pretty. Sure, sometimes they breaf stank, but they can remedy that. Another day, I was on a train toward OHare (maybe its just the blue line that carries the stinkers) and I smelled what can only be described as stank ass pussy. You know the smell. That "I don't know what douche is" smell of rotten fish and butt crack. There was this semi attractive blonde businessy woman standing in front of me, and what looked like a junkie or brain damaged kid about my age and his grandma in the seat adjacent to me. Now, I somehow placed the uncomfortable smell with the uncomfortable couple to my left, which made me feel, well, uncomfortable. But, as the train stopped and opened its doors at the next stop, the businessy woman stepped off, and the stank pussy smelled left with her. I was like, man. I had totally judged this sweet old grandma who might have been taking her brain damaged son to the doctor as a nasty old stanker, when it was actually the supposed classy one who had been pussy farting. Shame on me. I am now going to take a shower.

Let's do this...(a prelude)

I think that the title of this blog might be a bit overdramatic, but then, allow me to explain:

a couple years ago, I was in a used book store, and I as I meandered amongst the aisles of dusty old hardbacks, I came across a red book with what I thought was the title, "A History of Peril." Upon closer inspection, I found that the letters were just faded, and the title was actually "A History of Peru." It seemed that I wanted to be something it wasn't. So, I am taking the title for myself and using it on my new BLOG.

This blog

...has no intention of taking itself (too) seriously
...will likely include pictures
...is for me, mostly, but for you, also
...will be updated at my leisure
...is open to suggestion, though not necessarily heeded closely
...is meant for pure entertainemt purposes (for any other entertainment, please visit www.meatspin.com)